I am days away from my 57th birthday and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.    
I'm still searching inside and outside of myself.  Searching but not doing. I want to get to the "doing."
I had a time of reading, reflection and prayer this morning.  It helped me. The writer talked about how we pray our of duty, how we say the words we think we should be saying, how we say what we think God wants to hear from us.  That's not being honest. Why do we play those games with God when he knows our heart anyway?
He knows what we're thinking, feeling, he knows what is unsaid.
The article opened my eyes,  I decided to stop saying what i thought was the right thing in prayers.  I decided to pour out my heart no matter what is there.
God i don't know how to serve you, I don't always trust you, I worry about my problems and my pain and what I want to achieve more than serving and loving you.  I want to make more money doing something that I absolutely love. I want more than what I have. I don't always appreciate what I have. I'm afraid a lot.
Sometimes I'm afraid of dying.    
I feel funny saying those things to God, even though it's truth, even though he already knows all of it.
He made me, he loves me, and he wants our talks, my prayers to be real, honest and from my heart.
So while I still don't have all the answers, I still don't know what I want to be when i grow up or what the next chapter will be, i do know that God is listening.
My Father is here and he wants me to walk with him and talk with him and tell him what is really in my heart.
Honesty leads to trust.