REJECTED!
I was rejected by a computer. That stings. It took me hours to fill out the application and figure out to upload my college transcript, cover letter and resume.
I wracked my brain thinking of three people I could list as references, they had to be intelligent, articulate and like me enough to say good things to strangers about me.
I searched the drawers and finally found my college transcript and Cassidy helped me figure out how to scan it, slap it on a thingy and put it on the desk top.
I strained to remember exact dates that I left one job and started another going back over ten years.
I took a mental inventory of my marketable skills and talents and tried to ignore the little voice in my head that whispered ( is that all you can do?).
I made a list of computer applications and hardware that I am proficient in or is it "of which I am proficient in"?
Finally after a little more than a day of gathering it all, I submitted my application for Director of Marketing and Communications at Armstrong State University.
I took a deep breath and hit "submit" after completing the application.
It took the computer about 20 seconds to respond.
"You do not meet minimum requirements for this position".
Rejected in 20 seconds. Harsh!
I have to say I was more than a little disappointed and I immediately felt sorry for myself, as if I was the only one in the world feeling that kind of rejection.
I felt lonely and not good enough.
It's not a good place to be in but, I know it's just temporary. I'm not gonna settle down here. I know feelings are not reality.
Feelings come and go and I can't judge myself or my situation on how I'm feeling at the moment.
I know in my mind that I'm not the only one to be rejected in the world.
I know in my mind that God is bigger than my problems of trying to find a new job. I know that God knows about my desire to find a new position. I know God provides me with what I need when I need it according to his will.
I trust God because he is bigger than my struggle.
So while it stinks getting rejected by a computer,
I will be Okay.
I'm not doing this in my own strength and power. I am relying on God to lead me to where he wants me to be in his own time and way. That gives me peace and even though my bruised ego and disappointment are having a pity party in my head, I will be fine.
God says "If you abide in me and my word abides in you. ye shall ask what ye will and it shall be done unto you." (John 15:7)
I'm abiding and asking and waiting on God's provision.
So it's that old computer's lost. it just passed up a pretty good thing.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
October 15, 2014
"Name 20 things you could be doing right now."
Those eight words and that one number opened up my eyes.
I made the list at work today, it wasn't hard. The ideas and activities just kept coming.
I needed that list. I needed the rope it provided me.
That rope pulled me up from the quicksand.
The quicksand is my addiction to the mindless soap opera message board Daytime Dish. It's a place where soap fans go to insult, attack and devour each other. It's fueled by obsession over fictional people. I've been a DD devotee for longer that I am comfortable saying. Yes I've taken part in baiting, gloating and bickering synonymous with the site.
I've become purple with rage at people I've never seen over characters that don't exist.
It was my cigarettes break, my comfy couch in front to the TV. It was how I decompressed after a day of deadlines and navigating the manic TV newsroom. I immersed myself in DD.
What happened on General Hospital today what Liz Webber, my favorite character did. When Genie Francis might possible be coming back to the show?
I existed off of it. But it demanded a big chunk of me It could devour three hours of my night in the blink of an eye.
I knew it was obsession, and I tried to put it down and walk away.
I failed. So I prayed about it, and failed to put it down. So I prayed some more.
One day, while roaming the Dish, wisdom whispered in my ear.
"What are 20 things you could be doing right now?"
I made a list, a wonderful, glorious list.
It's full of family, relationships, caring, work, health. faith.
Call your Mother and tell her you love her.
Pray
Read the Bible
Go for a walk
Read a book
Go talk to your daughter
Go play video games with your son
Call a friend
Call one of your 7 brothers and Sisters and catch up
Write a hand written note of encouragement to a friend
Clean out a junk drawer or closet
The List called to me. The List was life, my life.
My life neglected, my life waiting for me to
engage it, to take hold and live it!!!
The List is my lifesaver.
"Name 20 things you could be doing right now."
Those eight words and that one number opened up my eyes.
I made the list at work today, it wasn't hard. The ideas and activities just kept coming.
I needed that list. I needed the rope it provided me.
That rope pulled me up from the quicksand.
The quicksand is my addiction to the mindless soap opera message board Daytime Dish. It's a place where soap fans go to insult, attack and devour each other. It's fueled by obsession over fictional people. I've been a DD devotee for longer that I am comfortable saying. Yes I've taken part in baiting, gloating and bickering synonymous with the site.
I've become purple with rage at people I've never seen over characters that don't exist.
It was my cigarettes break, my comfy couch in front to the TV. It was how I decompressed after a day of deadlines and navigating the manic TV newsroom. I immersed myself in DD.
What happened on General Hospital today what Liz Webber, my favorite character did. When Genie Francis might possible be coming back to the show?
I existed off of it. But it demanded a big chunk of me It could devour three hours of my night in the blink of an eye.
I knew it was obsession, and I tried to put it down and walk away.
I failed. So I prayed about it, and failed to put it down. So I prayed some more.
One day, while roaming the Dish, wisdom whispered in my ear.
"What are 20 things you could be doing right now?"
I made a list, a wonderful, glorious list.
It's full of family, relationships, caring, work, health. faith.
Call your Mother and tell her you love her.
Pray
Read the Bible
Go for a walk
Read a book
Go talk to your daughter
Go play video games with your son
Call a friend
Call one of your 7 brothers and Sisters and catch up
Write a hand written note of encouragement to a friend
Clean out a junk drawer or closet
The List called to me. The List was life, my life.
My life neglected, my life waiting for me to
engage it, to take hold and live it!!!
The List is my lifesaver.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
When did it happen? What was I so busy with that I didn't notice it? It must have crept up slowly
like a cat that is across the room one minute then wrapped around your legs the next.
When did things get turned upside down?
When did good become bad, right become wrong,
decency become something to scorn?
No this is not a rant about how society is going to hell in a hand basket, wait, maybe it is.
This is how it started, I was watching ANTM or America's Next Top Model ( that was my first mistake) with my husband.
At the end of the show the models go to what's known as The Judges Table. That's where Tyra and her slightly ridiculous co- judges, look at each contestant's picture to decide if they're weird, beautiful, yet edgy enough to stay on the show another week.
One contestant, I'll call him, Scott showed up dressed in a suit. Now this man was extremely handsome, he face looked like it belonged on a
GQ cover. Scott stands there allowing the judges to critique his picture, sniffing with disdain at what the perceive are flaws and, oh the horror, posing mistakes.
Scott's picture is not as fierce as they would like even though it looks flawless to me, rank amateur that I am.
Scott stands there like a student before a panel of principals. He is quiet, respectful and clearly humbled.
If he dares defend his photo in any way, one of the more flamboyant judges will use it as a reason to wildly overreact for the cameras.
So when Scott's inquisition is over, Trya mercifully demises him but not before one final comment. She ask "Why are you wearing that suit?" Scott can't understand the question, neither can I. The man clearly chose the nicest suit he had with the intention of looking his best at judges table.
They treat him like he showed up in a dirty torn t-shirt and boxer shorts.
She told him the suit was a no no, and she ordered him to never wear anything like it again. With a condescending smile on her face, she suggested jeans and a T- shirt would be more appropriate.
When did wearing a suit become offensive? I guess it was so old fashioned that Trya felt like it was a slap in the face to the uber edginess
that is ANTM.
My irritation and anger over Scott's treatment and Tyra's attitude got the little wheels moving in my brain.
It dawned on me that some things are now turned on their heads in society.
What's good is bad and what's bad is good.
Waiting for sex until marriage, is now considered bizarre and out of touch.
A woman who wants to do as the Bible instructs and be subject to her Husband is treated like an unambitious twit by today's "Girl, you need to train your man to do your will" devotees.
Choosing to live a life of moderation, honesty and kindness to others is met with derision by the cool, tattooed, booze hounds of the world.
The world that calls you a fool if you want to spend you life helping others instead of pursuing the largest salary and the biggest house possible.
The world that looks at you like you grew two heads when you say you still cook dinner for your family.
The world that encourages you to arm your 14 year old daughter with a pill to protect against STD's, and contraceptives then smile sweetly as she expresses her sexually.
Bad behavior is applauded, even celebrated. Thumbing your nose at convention, common sense and propriety will get you your own reality show or at the very least an appearance on The Today Show.
Now all you need to attain fame and fortune is a sex tape or a hundred thousand hits on YouTube.
It's not just the outrageous, it's the little things too.
Please, thank you, the use of the turn signal, they're all disappearing like the buffalo.
Courtesy, etiquette, and hand written notes are becoming a thing of the past.
Now you can show up for work in shoes that we used to wear in the shower or a public pool.
Female news anchors can wear spaghetti straps and tattoos.
Yes the world is changing, I know it's not 1950's anymore and I don't want it to be.
But society needs some things need to stick around.
The world is not too cool for kindness, modesty, graciousness.
And sorry Tyra, a man in a suit is rarely a bad thing.
like a cat that is across the room one minute then wrapped around your legs the next.
When did things get turned upside down?
When did good become bad, right become wrong,
decency become something to scorn?
No this is not a rant about how society is going to hell in a hand basket, wait, maybe it is.
This is how it started, I was watching ANTM or America's Next Top Model ( that was my first mistake) with my husband.
At the end of the show the models go to what's known as The Judges Table. That's where Tyra and her slightly ridiculous co- judges, look at each contestant's picture to decide if they're weird, beautiful, yet edgy enough to stay on the show another week.
One contestant, I'll call him, Scott showed up dressed in a suit. Now this man was extremely handsome, he face looked like it belonged on a
GQ cover. Scott stands there allowing the judges to critique his picture, sniffing with disdain at what the perceive are flaws and, oh the horror, posing mistakes.
Scott's picture is not as fierce as they would like even though it looks flawless to me, rank amateur that I am.
Scott stands there like a student before a panel of principals. He is quiet, respectful and clearly humbled.
If he dares defend his photo in any way, one of the more flamboyant judges will use it as a reason to wildly overreact for the cameras.
So when Scott's inquisition is over, Trya mercifully demises him but not before one final comment. She ask "Why are you wearing that suit?" Scott can't understand the question, neither can I. The man clearly chose the nicest suit he had with the intention of looking his best at judges table.
They treat him like he showed up in a dirty torn t-shirt and boxer shorts.
She told him the suit was a no no, and she ordered him to never wear anything like it again. With a condescending smile on her face, she suggested jeans and a T- shirt would be more appropriate.
When did wearing a suit become offensive? I guess it was so old fashioned that Trya felt like it was a slap in the face to the uber edginess
that is ANTM.
My irritation and anger over Scott's treatment and Tyra's attitude got the little wheels moving in my brain.
It dawned on me that some things are now turned on their heads in society.
What's good is bad and what's bad is good.
Waiting for sex until marriage, is now considered bizarre and out of touch.
A woman who wants to do as the Bible instructs and be subject to her Husband is treated like an unambitious twit by today's "Girl, you need to train your man to do your will" devotees.
Choosing to live a life of moderation, honesty and kindness to others is met with derision by the cool, tattooed, booze hounds of the world.
The world that calls you a fool if you want to spend you life helping others instead of pursuing the largest salary and the biggest house possible.
The world that looks at you like you grew two heads when you say you still cook dinner for your family.
The world that encourages you to arm your 14 year old daughter with a pill to protect against STD's, and contraceptives then smile sweetly as she expresses her sexually.
Bad behavior is applauded, even celebrated. Thumbing your nose at convention, common sense and propriety will get you your own reality show or at the very least an appearance on The Today Show.
Now all you need to attain fame and fortune is a sex tape or a hundred thousand hits on YouTube.
It's not just the outrageous, it's the little things too.
Please, thank you, the use of the turn signal, they're all disappearing like the buffalo.
Courtesy, etiquette, and hand written notes are becoming a thing of the past.
Now you can show up for work in shoes that we used to wear in the shower or a public pool.
Female news anchors can wear spaghetti straps and tattoos.
Yes the world is changing, I know it's not 1950's anymore and I don't want it to be.
But society needs some things need to stick around.
The world is not too cool for kindness, modesty, graciousness.
And sorry Tyra, a man in a suit is rarely a bad thing.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Do It Now If You Don't Feel Like Doing It At All!
I'm learning to dance through life with discipline as one of my many partners.
I still don't like her, she's not a fun loving, care free kinda girl. She's not like my friend Folly.
Folly is fun, Folly let's me do what I want. Folly is the free spirit.
But Folly is a tricky girl, Folly can and has gotten me into BIG trouble.
Another pal of mine, name of Wisdom, gave me the low down on Folly. At the same time she introduced my to Discipline.
Folly always shows me a good time, but Wisdom showed me Folly true colors. Girl is a back stabber.
Folly likes me better when I'm weak and weak
willed.
Folly wants me to binge watch Netflix instead of going for a walk.
Folly tries to get me to choose 5 dollar pizza instead of making baked chicken and a salad.
Folly wants Starbucks every other day and
Chedder's chocolate cake every Saturday night.
When Wisdom told me about Discipline, I was not impressed. I thought " she sounds like a wet
blanket".
Still, I decided to.try to get to know her because Folly had gotten me in some real scrapes. I figured I needed a change.
Our relationship is still pretty young, but I've noticed a few things about myself when I hang
around the new girl.
When I spend time with D, I feel better about myself. I'm stronger around D, I'm healthier and
motivated when I spend time in her company.
No D is not the party girl that Fol is , but she is a much better companion in the dance of life.
So I'm learning how hang out with Discipline.
I'm learning to let her into the areas of my life that Folly used to rule. It's not easy, sometimes I want to call up Fol and just go have some fun. Truth is I still do every now and then. But I think I need D a
lot more than I need Folly. Wiz was right, that girl gives some righteous advice.
So I'm traveling through life with my pals Wisdom and Discipline, but we're not alone. Faith, Love and Courage are also going along for the ride.
But that's another story.
Folly is fun, Folly let's me do what I want. Folly is the free spirit.
But Folly is a tricky girl, Folly can and has gotten me into BIG trouble.
Another pal of mine, name of Wisdom, gave me the low down on Folly. At the same time she introduced my to Discipline.
Folly always shows me a good time, but Wisdom showed me Folly true colors. Girl is a back stabber.
Folly likes me better when I'm weak and weak
willed.
Folly wants me to binge watch Netflix instead of going for a walk.
Folly tries to get me to choose 5 dollar pizza instead of making baked chicken and a salad.
Folly wants Starbucks every other day and
Chedder's chocolate cake every Saturday night.
When Wisdom told me about Discipline, I was not impressed. I thought " she sounds like a wet
blanket".
Still, I decided to.try to get to know her because Folly had gotten me in some real scrapes. I figured I needed a change.
Our relationship is still pretty young, but I've noticed a few things about myself when I hang
around the new girl.
When I spend time with D, I feel better about myself. I'm stronger around D, I'm healthier and
motivated when I spend time in her company.
No D is not the party girl that Fol is , but she is a much better companion in the dance of life.
So I'm learning how hang out with Discipline.
I'm learning to let her into the areas of my life that Folly used to rule. It's not easy, sometimes I want to call up Fol and just go have some fun. Truth is I still do every now and then. But I think I need D a
lot more than I need Folly. Wiz was right, that girl gives some righteous advice.
So I'm traveling through life with my pals Wisdom and Discipline, but we're not alone. Faith, Love and Courage are also going along for the ride.
But that's another story.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
"You are too blunt!"
My mother's words still come to mind all these years later. Not sure how old I was at the time but I remember her telling me my words hit too hard.
Brash, candid, plain spoken. not one to bite my tongue. That was, is and has always been, my way.
My mother didn't like my propensity for putting it all out there, she still doesn't.
I speak my mind in the most open, up front, honest way possible.
It wasn't always popular and home and it's even less so at work or mixed company. I remember when I'd get in trouble as a kid, I'd tell my parents exactly what I did wrong. Many times they praised me for my honesty, but sometimes punishment came with praise.
At work when a co-worker is obviously passive aggressive, I am compelled to call it what it is.
Does that make me active aggressive?
Maybe.
I just know that I've never been one to dance around the elephant in the room. I can't ignore the fact the the Emperor is running around town butt naked. I can look at that and be silent.
I guess for me, the first part of taking action is dealing with the issue or problem in front of me. If I grab it and take hold of it , then I can find a solution. At least my mind thinks so. Of course that's not how life works. Talking bluntly about a problem or an issues doesn't make it magically disappear.
Gently pointing out a co-worker's crappy behavior seldom fixes the issues or ushers in office harmony.
I guess it just makes me feel like I'm working toward a solution.
I would rather look it in the eye than sweep it under the rug.
So I'm blunt, brash, unequivocal, so be it. It unburdens me to put it out there, to handle it now.
It makes me feel a free somehow to acknowledge it. To shine a light on it. It takes the power away from it and gives a little to me. I am in control, I see the problem for what it is and am not afraid to
say so.
As I grow older I'm learning that being blunt is okay as long as I remember compassion. In this case C comes before B. My desire to lay it all on the line should not tear others down. So I'll still be bold and blunt but I'll temper it with kindness, gentleness. C should always comes before B.
My mother's words still come to mind all these years later. Not sure how old I was at the time but I remember her telling me my words hit too hard.
Brash, candid, plain spoken. not one to bite my tongue. That was, is and has always been, my way.
My mother didn't like my propensity for putting it all out there, she still doesn't.
I speak my mind in the most open, up front, honest way possible.
It wasn't always popular and home and it's even less so at work or mixed company. I remember when I'd get in trouble as a kid, I'd tell my parents exactly what I did wrong. Many times they praised me for my honesty, but sometimes punishment came with praise.
At work when a co-worker is obviously passive aggressive, I am compelled to call it what it is.
Does that make me active aggressive?
Maybe.
I just know that I've never been one to dance around the elephant in the room. I can't ignore the fact the the Emperor is running around town butt naked. I can look at that and be silent.
I guess for me, the first part of taking action is dealing with the issue or problem in front of me. If I grab it and take hold of it , then I can find a solution. At least my mind thinks so. Of course that's not how life works. Talking bluntly about a problem or an issues doesn't make it magically disappear.
Gently pointing out a co-worker's crappy behavior seldom fixes the issues or ushers in office harmony.
I guess it just makes me feel like I'm working toward a solution.
I would rather look it in the eye than sweep it under the rug.
So I'm blunt, brash, unequivocal, so be it. It unburdens me to put it out there, to handle it now.
It makes me feel a free somehow to acknowledge it. To shine a light on it. It takes the power away from it and gives a little to me. I am in control, I see the problem for what it is and am not afraid to
say so.
As I grow older I'm learning that being blunt is okay as long as I remember compassion. In this case C comes before B. My desire to lay it all on the line should not tear others down. So I'll still be bold and blunt but I'll temper it with kindness, gentleness. C should always comes before B.
Monday, September 22, 2014
September 22, 2014
THIS IS WHAT I KNOW:
Don't let your feelings dictate your actions. It will get better.
Surround yourself with people who are kinder, smarter or more successful than you. Do something difficult. Being weird, its not necessarily a bad thing. Convential wisdom is seldome wise.
It's okay to let go of what you have in order to get what you want.
Do what you know is right even when it 's uncomfortable. People are stupid, selfish, and cruel. People are kinds, self sacrificing and loving.
Kids are so worth it. Marriage is a gift. Be a friend, manners matter. There is a God and he did send his Son to earth to die for humans. The Devil is real.
Family is everything.
Everyone can contribute, everyone matters.
Petty, bigoted, ignorant, ugly people come in all shapes, colors and sizes.
A family needs a Father and a Mother. The Bible is the road map for life.
There is a heaven and there is a hell. Little girls learn how to be a woman from watching their Mommas, little boys learn how to be Daddys from watching their Fathers.
Sex should not be treated like a casual exchange between to people whose parts fit together.
Sometimes older is better and more is less.
Seek peace. It's okay to be different
THIS IS WHAT I KNOW:
Don't let your feelings dictate your actions. It will get better.
Surround yourself with people who are kinder, smarter or more successful than you. Do something difficult. Being weird, its not necessarily a bad thing. Convential wisdom is seldome wise.
It's okay to let go of what you have in order to get what you want.
Do what you know is right even when it 's uncomfortable. People are stupid, selfish, and cruel. People are kinds, self sacrificing and loving.
Kids are so worth it. Marriage is a gift. Be a friend, manners matter. There is a God and he did send his Son to earth to die for humans. The Devil is real.
Family is everything.
Everyone can contribute, everyone matters.
Petty, bigoted, ignorant, ugly people come in all shapes, colors and sizes.
A family needs a Father and a Mother. The Bible is the road map for life.
There is a heaven and there is a hell. Little girls learn how to be a woman from watching their Mommas, little boys learn how to be Daddys from watching their Fathers.
Sex should not be treated like a casual exchange between to people whose parts fit together.
Sometimes older is better and more is less.
Seek peace. It's okay to be different
The human mind is one of God's most mysterious creations. I believe there are Angels all around us. There is great evil in the world. In the end, goodness and light win. Life is ugly and hard and cruel. Life is good.
Time cannot be stopped.
Prayer changes things.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
September 21, 2014
Sleepiness flirted with me all day.
A by product of my fitful night.
Premenopausal tossing and turning at night, interrupted by midnight, 2am and 430am bathroom runs.
Dreams I cannot recall, that still linger on the edge of my mind. Gentle snoring that pulls me back from the brink of sweet oblivion. I awaken myself only to drift back to that place, Half awake, half sleep, but falling into the welcome blackness.
Then a sound reaches deep into the inky depths and pulls me back. Part music, part machine, it is my iPhone telling me it's time to let go of my sweet slumber. It is time to open my eyes to the light. It is time to return to the land of sunshine and green things. It is 7:45am. It Sunday and the day awaits.
Sleepiness flirted with me all day.
A by product of my fitful night.
Premenopausal tossing and turning at night, interrupted by midnight, 2am and 430am bathroom runs.
Dreams I cannot recall, that still linger on the edge of my mind. Gentle snoring that pulls me back from the brink of sweet oblivion. I awaken myself only to drift back to that place, Half awake, half sleep, but falling into the welcome blackness.
Then a sound reaches deep into the inky depths and pulls me back. Part music, part machine, it is my iPhone telling me it's time to let go of my sweet slumber. It is time to open my eyes to the light. It is time to return to the land of sunshine and green things. It is 7:45am. It Sunday and the day awaits.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
I hear the rain falling on the pavement outside, like a million tiny beads landing on glass. It's muted, soothing, comforting. This is suddenly the best part of my day. Here, at home in my pajamas. With a fourth of a bacon cheeseburger and a few stalks of steamed broccoli spears in my belly, I am slightly sleepy but not quite ready to lie down.
Parts of my day still swirl around in my head. The sweet chocolately taste of the grande white mocha that shot adrenaline and courage through my veins at work this morning. The irritation that a colleague's incomplete work adds to my own inbox.
The creeping anxiety that slithers toward me as the clock inches toward my 5pm deadline.
It's all there, parts of my day playing in vignettes
in my mind.
I remember the drive home, the beautifully angry sky competing with the road ahead for my attention.
The stop into the boisterous, aromatic restaurant for my bagged and ready to go dinner.
The voices of friday night diners, clash with bad music and blaring sports channels, I'm glad to be taking my meal home.
Home, where an old leather couch, cable free TV and 3 sweet souls wait for me. It is the light of the end of the tunnel that has been this day,
Now I am here, clad in pj's and contentment.
Parts of my day still swirl around in my head. The sweet chocolately taste of the grande white mocha that shot adrenaline and courage through my veins at work this morning. The irritation that a colleague's incomplete work adds to my own inbox.
The creeping anxiety that slithers toward me as the clock inches toward my 5pm deadline.
It's all there, parts of my day playing in vignettes
in my mind.
I remember the drive home, the beautifully angry sky competing with the road ahead for my attention.
The stop into the boisterous, aromatic restaurant for my bagged and ready to go dinner.
The voices of friday night diners, clash with bad music and blaring sports channels, I'm glad to be taking my meal home.
Home, where an old leather couch, cable free TV and 3 sweet souls wait for me. It is the light of the end of the tunnel that has been this day,
Now I am here, clad in pj's and contentment.
Friday night is here at long last.
Friday, September 19, 2014
I'm assessing my Life, I write Life with a capital "L" because I think one's days on this earth should be important enough to capitalize. There is a question that keeps floating around my mind. "What do I do well?" I'm 53 years old and that question has never been as important to me as it is now. They say everyone has a talent, a particular skill set, things they are good at. Tracy is an artist, Cassidy can play the Ukelele, Connor excels at gaming. As I take stock of my 50 something year old self, I ask, what is my gift? What do I offer to the world as proof that I "got the goods".
What are my "mad skills? I like taking pictures with my iPhone. I get a charge out of using that little thing to capture of moment of beauty, a painted sky, or a flower bloomed to perfection.
I like writing, letting my thoughts spill out of my mind through my hands. I like a good book, losing myself is the 1960's South, or going along with Miss Marple as she ponders who killed the Contessa between sips of tea. I like these things but is that the same as being "good" at them?
I don't know. Do I need someone to give me some sort of stamp of approval? Is there a Talent Inspector who approves of our creations and declares us good enough to be labeled " good at, fill in the blank? "
Okay, I'm being absurd, but one wonders.
I wonder. The question still lingers, "what am I good at?" I still can't answer it with 100 percent certainty. So I guess I'll keep writing, photographing, and reading until the answers come. I'll do other things as well, travel, garden, try running a 10K. I may not be able to answer the "talent" question right now, but I am enjoying the doing. learning, and trying. Right now that's enough.
What are my "mad skills? I like taking pictures with my iPhone. I get a charge out of using that little thing to capture of moment of beauty, a painted sky, or a flower bloomed to perfection.
I like writing, letting my thoughts spill out of my mind through my hands. I like a good book, losing myself is the 1960's South, or going along with Miss Marple as she ponders who killed the Contessa between sips of tea. I like these things but is that the same as being "good" at them?
I don't know. Do I need someone to give me some sort of stamp of approval? Is there a Talent Inspector who approves of our creations and declares us good enough to be labeled " good at, fill in the blank? "
Okay, I'm being absurd, but one wonders.
I wonder. The question still lingers, "what am I good at?" I still can't answer it with 100 percent certainty. So I guess I'll keep writing, photographing, and reading until the answers come. I'll do other things as well, travel, garden, try running a 10K. I may not be able to answer the "talent" question right now, but I am enjoying the doing. learning, and trying. Right now that's enough.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
What possessed me to do it? What propelled me to walk into my boss's office, close the door, and in effect, quit my job?
"I can't do this...
"But I have to do this" The voices in my head debated about it all morning. My faith was in an epic wrestling match with my sense of self preservation and fear. Faith won out. I had been at WSAV for three years, I produced the 5pm Newscast. When I started I was scared silly, I felt like a child with a paint brush and an empty canvas who is told to paint a masterpiece. My job was to paint one every day.
So I painted, I put words on my computer screen. Just the facts, give them the facts, nothing fancy. I wrote the news of the day The shootings, the bank robberies, what City Council did that day. I wrote about every aspect of Savannah that our cameras captured.
In my mind I wasn't just writing, I was talking to people about people. I was telling Savannah's stories.
That's was how I did it. That's what kept it interesting. I was creating something new every day.
Now three years later, I feel like I've hit the ceiling at WSAV.
I can go no further there, nor do I want to.
Television news writing puts you in a box, there are restrictions, rules, lines you can't cross. I'm ready to cross some lines, I'm ready to get out of the box. So, I talked about it with God. I said I'm ready for something else. what do you have for me? Two days later my boss called me into this office to offer me another contract. "We'd like you to stay on another year, just sign on the dotted line."
That small voice, you know is Wisdom, whispered, "you don't want that. "
So I didn't. so I quit. Now I'm looking, hunting for the door with my name on it. I'm searching for my next chapter. I'm filled with an anticipation that makes me smile. I feel like I am on the brink of something very good, it's a feeling I haven't had in a long, long time.
I may have to leave WSAV before I find my next challenge. If they hire my replacement before I get out the door, I'll pack up and leave without a place to go to. That doesn't bother me.
I'm okay with that. I'm ready for the next big thing in my life. It's out there waiting for me to come claim it.
"I can't do this...
"But I have to do this" The voices in my head debated about it all morning. My faith was in an epic wrestling match with my sense of self preservation and fear. Faith won out. I had been at WSAV for three years, I produced the 5pm Newscast. When I started I was scared silly, I felt like a child with a paint brush and an empty canvas who is told to paint a masterpiece. My job was to paint one every day.
So I painted, I put words on my computer screen. Just the facts, give them the facts, nothing fancy. I wrote the news of the day The shootings, the bank robberies, what City Council did that day. I wrote about every aspect of Savannah that our cameras captured.
In my mind I wasn't just writing, I was talking to people about people. I was telling Savannah's stories.
That's was how I did it. That's what kept it interesting. I was creating something new every day.
Now three years later, I feel like I've hit the ceiling at WSAV.
I can go no further there, nor do I want to.
Television news writing puts you in a box, there are restrictions, rules, lines you can't cross. I'm ready to cross some lines, I'm ready to get out of the box. So, I talked about it with God. I said I'm ready for something else. what do you have for me? Two days later my boss called me into this office to offer me another contract. "We'd like you to stay on another year, just sign on the dotted line."
That small voice, you know is Wisdom, whispered, "you don't want that. "
So I didn't. so I quit. Now I'm looking, hunting for the door with my name on it. I'm searching for my next chapter. I'm filled with an anticipation that makes me smile. I feel like I am on the brink of something very good, it's a feeling I haven't had in a long, long time.
I may have to leave WSAV before I find my next challenge. If they hire my replacement before I get out the door, I'll pack up and leave without a place to go to. That doesn't bother me.
I'm okay with that. I'm ready for the next big thing in my life. It's out there waiting for me to come claim it.
August 28th, 2014
Father, I want to thank you. I want to look at my life with fresh eyes. Sometimes it seems so same ole, same ole to me. I see the everyday, the mundane, the monotony. I know there is more, I know my vision is clouded, by familiarity, by my flesh, but a lack of insight. Sometimes I don't see the thousand little blessings that make up a Monday.
I miss the little gems of life you give me from your unending supply. I don't see the tiny victories because I'm focused on the flotsam and jetsome of the day. I feel defeated and deflated because my eyes are on the ground. I feel like I haven't achieved anything because I see only the ordinary, not the extraordinary.
It's not true, my vision is obscured, but the truth is still there. When I look for it, I find it.
The truth is, everyday is good, everyday is another step on the magnificent journey. Everyday is a blessing. The blessings come in many forms.
One day it's a gorgeous blue sky on the way to work, the next, it's making a co-worker laugh or feel better about something. It's writing a script i'm really proud to put my name on.
It's keeping my mouth shut when I want to let loose on someone and shut them down.
It's getting a heart text from my Husband or knowing my children are safe at school surrounded by friends and teachers who care.
It's knowing my Mom and sisters are a phone call away and will come if I need them.
There is treasure all around me, blessings and victories dot my day. Father help me to see them, and have a grateful heart. Help me to see the extraordinary in the everyday. Help me to see
the truth of my life. Help me to celebrate my ordinary days because they are a gift from you.
Father, I want to thank you. I want to look at my life with fresh eyes. Sometimes it seems so same ole, same ole to me. I see the everyday, the mundane, the monotony. I know there is more, I know my vision is clouded, by familiarity, by my flesh, but a lack of insight. Sometimes I don't see the thousand little blessings that make up a Monday.
I miss the little gems of life you give me from your unending supply. I don't see the tiny victories because I'm focused on the flotsam and jetsome of the day. I feel defeated and deflated because my eyes are on the ground. I feel like I haven't achieved anything because I see only the ordinary, not the extraordinary.
It's not true, my vision is obscured, but the truth is still there. When I look for it, I find it.
The truth is, everyday is good, everyday is another step on the magnificent journey. Everyday is a blessing. The blessings come in many forms.
One day it's a gorgeous blue sky on the way to work, the next, it's making a co-worker laugh or feel better about something. It's writing a script i'm really proud to put my name on.
It's keeping my mouth shut when I want to let loose on someone and shut them down.
It's getting a heart text from my Husband or knowing my children are safe at school surrounded by friends and teachers who care.
It's knowing my Mom and sisters are a phone call away and will come if I need them.
There is treasure all around me, blessings and victories dot my day. Father help me to see them, and have a grateful heart. Help me to see the extraordinary in the everyday. Help me to see
the truth of my life. Help me to celebrate my ordinary days because they are a gift from you.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
September 2, 2014
This is my birthday month, September is one of my favorites for that and many other reasons.
September is burnt orange, and yellow mums, and candy apple red.
When I was a young girl it was The approach of the Coastal Empire Fair and new school clothes.
It was trying to wear pants and sweaters made for a chill on days still ripe with Summer's heat and humidity.
September is football Sunday. September is anticipation, waiting for the first tinge of frosty morning air, waiting for the first mention of The Holidays while pretending to frown on those who talk about Christmas a full two months before Halloween arrives.
September is brown and golden, thoughts of Thanksgiving.
September is family and fixing the house up for Fall and Holiday entertaining.
September is time to put away the languid, lazy, days of Summer.
September is harvest time, renewal time,
time to feather the nest for the coming Winter.
September is golden rod and sky that particular shade of blue that tells you it's the ninth month and not the sixth.
September is days getting imperceptibly shorter, nights stretching out inch by inch.
September is hope, for a great Fall, for a happy Holiday season, for a gentle Winter.
September is my favorite because is holds possibilities.
September is my special month, September is me.
This is my birthday month, September is one of my favorites for that and many other reasons.
September is burnt orange, and yellow mums, and candy apple red.
When I was a young girl it was The approach of the Coastal Empire Fair and new school clothes.
It was trying to wear pants and sweaters made for a chill on days still ripe with Summer's heat and humidity.
September is football Sunday. September is anticipation, waiting for the first tinge of frosty morning air, waiting for the first mention of The Holidays while pretending to frown on those who talk about Christmas a full two months before Halloween arrives.
September is brown and golden, thoughts of Thanksgiving.
September is family and fixing the house up for Fall and Holiday entertaining.
September is time to put away the languid, lazy, days of Summer.
September is harvest time, renewal time,
time to feather the nest for the coming Winter.
September is golden rod and sky that particular shade of blue that tells you it's the ninth month and not the sixth.
September is days getting imperceptibly shorter, nights stretching out inch by inch.
September is hope, for a great Fall, for a happy Holiday season, for a gentle Winter.
September is my favorite because is holds possibilities.
September is my special month, September is me.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Saturday, August 16, 2014
August 16th, 2014
I'm excited about the approach of Fall. Happy anticipation, that best describes it. The thoughts of
chilly nights, football Sundays and exploring all the weekend festivals I can drag my family along on put a smile on my face.
What makes it all the more sweeter is the fact that it'll be different this year.
It won't be like last year. This year Tracy will be with me, Tracy will be part of my entire weekend, not the few precious hours on Saturday and Sunday morning.
I won't have to pick up my cell phone to hear his voice. I won't have to drive
25 minutes to see his smile. I won't have to sit on the couch wishing he was there beside me. Tracy and I have our days back. Our Weekends together have been restored. It is simply a blessing from God.
Cassidy and Connor have their Father for the full weekend, they don't have to miss him and wonder when he'll be home. We are a weekend family again. That is something to be treasured.
That is a gift, I never want to take for granted.
So... we'll sleep in, go to church, walk around the neighborhood, clean out the garage, go to dinner, and explore the city.
Some days we'll just be together and that will be more than enough.
I'm excited about the approach of Fall. Happy anticipation, that best describes it. The thoughts of
chilly nights, football Sundays and exploring all the weekend festivals I can drag my family along on put a smile on my face.
What makes it all the more sweeter is the fact that it'll be different this year.
It won't be like last year. This year Tracy will be with me, Tracy will be part of my entire weekend, not the few precious hours on Saturday and Sunday morning.
I won't have to pick up my cell phone to hear his voice. I won't have to drive
25 minutes to see his smile. I won't have to sit on the couch wishing he was there beside me. Tracy and I have our days back. Our Weekends together have been restored. It is simply a blessing from God.
Cassidy and Connor have their Father for the full weekend, they don't have to miss him and wonder when he'll be home. We are a weekend family again. That is something to be treasured.
That is a gift, I never want to take for granted.
So... we'll sleep in, go to church, walk around the neighborhood, clean out the garage, go to dinner, and explore the city.
Some days we'll just be together and that will be more than enough.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
August 12, 2014
The two men in my life got good news today. Tracy begins his next chapter and so does my little Connor. Tracy is making the transition from workaday broadcast journalist to Instructor of Journalism at Savannah State University.
He has been wanting to make the jump out of TV news for a long time, God has said yes at last. I'm so thrilled to see him begin this new journey, I'm feel so blessed to be a part of it.
Our Connor has been excepted into the gifted program at his school. That signals a new chapter for him as well.
He has proof positive that he can go above and beyond that he can achieve whatever he chooses to reach for. Now it's up to Tracy and I to help him run the race set before him, to encourage him to set the bar high for himself and to go for it with everything in himself.
These are the most important men in my life. I pray that God will give me the wisdom and strength to excel in whatever is put before them.
I'm so proud of my men, God bless them both.
The two men in my life got good news today. Tracy begins his next chapter and so does my little Connor. Tracy is making the transition from workaday broadcast journalist to Instructor of Journalism at Savannah State University.
He has been wanting to make the jump out of TV news for a long time, God has said yes at last. I'm so thrilled to see him begin this new journey, I'm feel so blessed to be a part of it.
Our Connor has been excepted into the gifted program at his school. That signals a new chapter for him as well.
He has proof positive that he can go above and beyond that he can achieve whatever he chooses to reach for. Now it's up to Tracy and I to help him run the race set before him, to encourage him to set the bar high for himself and to go for it with everything in himself.
These are the most important men in my life. I pray that God will give me the wisdom and strength to excel in whatever is put before them.
I'm so proud of my men, God bless them both.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
August 9th 2014
Today is the day I stop doing things simply for the purpose of getting a pat on the head from the world.
I'm done with wondering how I look, sound, and measure up to others.
My life is not a play on display for the audience's stamp of approval. I have hopes and dreams and aspirations that God placed in my heart, head and soul. Those are there for a reason.
I need to mine that, dig into it, open it up to the sunlight. What do I want?? Where do I want to go? What's next four me?
It doesn't matter if I go alone, It doesn't matter if the world doesn't approve, or is not amused or thinks It's not good enough.
I need to do it, if God put in in my heart I need to do it. I need to do it to please him and to please myself.
I'm sorry for the years wasted trying to show others that I'm just like them or good enough.
I am good enough, but I'm not just like anybody, nor do I want to be, anymore.
So I'm done with that and ready for what God has for me. I'm ready to go on the adventure he chose for me. It's just me and God, and that's all that's needed. He gave me a love for writing, I need to turn it into a talent.
He gave me a love for photography, I need to turn it into art. He gave me a love for life, I need to dive in, explore, step out, enjoy.
I need to sweat, strain, work hard, struggle and keep on even when I want to go find something comfortable to hide myself in.
I want something good for me, but I can't be afraid to work for it. I can't be afraid to sweat for it. I can't be afraid that the world won't think it's good enough. I can't be afraid.
When I've created something, when I've accomplished that feat, I must know that IT IS GOOD.
Not because someone else gave it a blue ribbon, but because God planted the seed and gave me everything I needed to make it grow and flower. It is good because I enjoy it. I work for myself, and for God, his approval, and my approval is all that is required.
I'm ready, He is with me, That is all I need.
Today is the day I stop doing things simply for the purpose of getting a pat on the head from the world.
I'm done with wondering how I look, sound, and measure up to others.
My life is not a play on display for the audience's stamp of approval. I have hopes and dreams and aspirations that God placed in my heart, head and soul. Those are there for a reason.
I need to mine that, dig into it, open it up to the sunlight. What do I want?? Where do I want to go? What's next four me?
It doesn't matter if I go alone, It doesn't matter if the world doesn't approve, or is not amused or thinks It's not good enough.
I need to do it, if God put in in my heart I need to do it. I need to do it to please him and to please myself.
I'm sorry for the years wasted trying to show others that I'm just like them or good enough.
I am good enough, but I'm not just like anybody, nor do I want to be, anymore.
So I'm done with that and ready for what God has for me. I'm ready to go on the adventure he chose for me. It's just me and God, and that's all that's needed. He gave me a love for writing, I need to turn it into a talent.
He gave me a love for photography, I need to turn it into art. He gave me a love for life, I need to dive in, explore, step out, enjoy.
I need to sweat, strain, work hard, struggle and keep on even when I want to go find something comfortable to hide myself in.
I want something good for me, but I can't be afraid to work for it. I can't be afraid to sweat for it. I can't be afraid that the world won't think it's good enough. I can't be afraid.
When I've created something, when I've accomplished that feat, I must know that IT IS GOOD.
Not because someone else gave it a blue ribbon, but because God planted the seed and gave me everything I needed to make it grow and flower. It is good because I enjoy it. I work for myself, and for God, his approval, and my approval is all that is required.
I'm ready, He is with me, That is all I need.
August 10, 2014
"Ask God for your miracle and keep asking, then see what happens." It was part of Pastor Ernie's message today.
Like all his messages, I needed to hear it. He reminded me of just how big God really is. He reminded me that God created the universe and that the creator of the world can surely handle my little miracle, my urgent need, my hopes and dreams.
Ernie recited the bible verse where Jesus says "Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open."
It's one of my favorites but not always for the right reasons.
That verse appealed to me because is sounds so much like an invitation the owner of a candy story might give to a wide eyed kid. "Come and get it, have whatever you want."
I'm learning God is not a cosmic candy store owner, offering me anything my eyes and stomach delights in.
The "asking, seeking and knocking" is prayer, that's where I talk to God. I can ask him for things, a better paying job, a house, the right mate, good health. I can ask for guidance, wisdom, strength and faith.
But it's not always about asking for something.
Prayer, I'm learning, is about being in the presence of God, building a relationship with him. It's about coming to him to say" What do you want to say to me Father?"
Today Pastor Ernie reminded me that God wants to spend time with me, just like earthly Fathers want to spend time with their children, so God wants me to stop by for a chat.
Just as I want to spend time with the people I love, so God, who loves me, wants time with me.
He doesn't want me to constantly show up with a "I gotta have this now" list.
God wants me to seek his presence, to sit before his throne with an open heart. looking for him to fill it.
God wants me to come with the question "What do you want to say to me Father?" God wants me to listen as he speaks to my heart.
Now back to the "Ask, seek, and knock verse".
Jesus says in order for the asking, seeking and knocking to get results, there is something I must do.
According to Jesus, I must "adide" in him and his word must "abide" in me. Then and only then does the asking, seeking and knocking lead to the giving, finding , and opening.
That means I must stay in relationship, or abide, with Jesus and his word must stay in me.
Put another way, I am to continually study the word and develop a relationship with God.
Then when I go to him in prayer with my needs or just my desire to hear what he wants of me, we are not strangers.
I am learning that I have to make time to sit in God's presence and talk to him, in other words I have to make time to pray.
He is my Father, and I'm his child, family makes time for family.
Spending time with someone is the best way to get to know him. Spending time with God is the best way to get to know him. If I do it consistently, It means I'm also spending time in his word.
"If you abide in me, and my word abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will and it shall be done unto you." That's what the Bible says.
When I get to know God through his word and through talking to him, he speaks to me and tells me what he wants me to know. This is how I grow
as a Christ follower, this is how I mature, how I know how to live in this world. This is what gives me the wisdom to ask for the right thing when I pray.
He is not the Cosmic candy store owner, and I'm not the greedy child. He is my Father and he wants to hear what I have to say to him, but more importantly, I want to hear what he has to say to me.
"Ask God for your miracle and keep asking, then see what happens." It was part of Pastor Ernie's message today.
Like all his messages, I needed to hear it. He reminded me of just how big God really is. He reminded me that God created the universe and that the creator of the world can surely handle my little miracle, my urgent need, my hopes and dreams.
Ernie recited the bible verse where Jesus says "Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open."
It's one of my favorites but not always for the right reasons.
That verse appealed to me because is sounds so much like an invitation the owner of a candy story might give to a wide eyed kid. "Come and get it, have whatever you want."
I'm learning God is not a cosmic candy store owner, offering me anything my eyes and stomach delights in.
The "asking, seeking and knocking" is prayer, that's where I talk to God. I can ask him for things, a better paying job, a house, the right mate, good health. I can ask for guidance, wisdom, strength and faith.
But it's not always about asking for something.
Prayer, I'm learning, is about being in the presence of God, building a relationship with him. It's about coming to him to say" What do you want to say to me Father?"
Today Pastor Ernie reminded me that God wants to spend time with me, just like earthly Fathers want to spend time with their children, so God wants me to stop by for a chat.
Just as I want to spend time with the people I love, so God, who loves me, wants time with me.
He doesn't want me to constantly show up with a "I gotta have this now" list.
God wants me to seek his presence, to sit before his throne with an open heart. looking for him to fill it.
God wants me to come with the question "What do you want to say to me Father?" God wants me to listen as he speaks to my heart.
Now back to the "Ask, seek, and knock verse".
Jesus says in order for the asking, seeking and knocking to get results, there is something I must do.
According to Jesus, I must "adide" in him and his word must "abide" in me. Then and only then does the asking, seeking and knocking lead to the giving, finding , and opening.
That means I must stay in relationship, or abide, with Jesus and his word must stay in me.
Put another way, I am to continually study the word and develop a relationship with God.
Then when I go to him in prayer with my needs or just my desire to hear what he wants of me, we are not strangers.
I am learning that I have to make time to sit in God's presence and talk to him, in other words I have to make time to pray.
He is my Father, and I'm his child, family makes time for family.
Spending time with someone is the best way to get to know him. Spending time with God is the best way to get to know him. If I do it consistently, It means I'm also spending time in his word.
"If you abide in me, and my word abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will and it shall be done unto you." That's what the Bible says.
When I get to know God through his word and through talking to him, he speaks to me and tells me what he wants me to know. This is how I grow
as a Christ follower, this is how I mature, how I know how to live in this world. This is what gives me the wisdom to ask for the right thing when I pray.
He is not the Cosmic candy store owner, and I'm not the greedy child. He is my Father and he wants to hear what I have to say to him, but more importantly, I want to hear what he has to say to me.
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