Twenty Seven Years

It doesn't feel like 27 Years.   I still feel unsure of what to say and I still worry about being pretty enough.
The struggle with "stupid new bride" thoughts is still real.

As I sit listening to him snore lightly, I unpack this 27 year old thing, this union of souls, the bond, this marriage.

I couldn't imagine how I would do it, I wondered how I could wake up with someone every day and let them in to the private places of my heart. I could not picture myself trusting someone that much.

Yes... I wanted to get married like every girl I knew back then.   I just couldn't comprehend  how a person like me could get to the point where you allow another person to see you naked, or bring you a roll of tissue as you sat on the toilet or go buy sanitary napkins for you. 

 I prayed about it, "God, you know the right man for me, bring us together and make it good."
He listened.  I was never comfortable talking to people for long periods of time, my sisters had the gift of gab but I was too self conscience to chat it up.  But I was able to  talk with him, it was over the phone after a mutual acquaintance suggested he call me for a blind date.

Sharing my thoughts with him came easily and we had a lot in common.  That was the foundation.  Friendship, devotion, love that followed.   2 Children, 8 moves and 27 years later he is still easy to talk to, still my best friend.  I still like to look at his hands and i still think he has the cutest long eye lashes and the sexiest thighs and legs.    He's one of the smartest men and I know and I could watch him tease and teach our kids all day. I want to be with him always even after I die.    

I guess that's how I would sum up the life we have together.  He makes me want to be a better person and I like being with him more than any other person on the planet. Now I understand how one person can let another person into that special, private, place in their heart and be completely open without being self conscious and ashamed.   I did it 27 years ago.